


about falling

by izzybeejones



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Human Lucifer, M/M, Post-Season/Series 05, Pre-Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-02 11:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10217336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzybeejones/pseuds/izzybeejones
Summary: Lucifer has fallen many, many times, and in many different ways. One can only hope that the Universe - or his father - has run out of ways to punish him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so!! i'm actually getting back into the writing game!! i have a fabulous beta for this story (love u leo <333 thanks for putting up with my weird, pre-revision sentences) and all of my chapters are planned out! so... wish me luck!
> 
> (i'll also return to some of my old stories, if i can remember where i was going with them haha)

The torture of the Cage isn't so much physical as it is mental. When he's free from the constant fire in his mind, he can either stare at the walls or pace the (short) length of the Cage. More often than not, he's unable to will himself to move at all. It's draining for him when the Cage takes over, and in the aftermath he just wants to rest. Still, though, this gives him some form of cabin fever - not knowing when he'd be able to leave, or if he ever would. If he'd be stuck staring at the four walls of the Cage for all eternity. It's almost worse than the psychological damage.

Almost.

The thing is that, lately, the Cage's torture comes in the form of his family taunting him. He has vessels to put faces to names, and it... it  _ hurts _ , seeing the hyper-realistic Cage versions of the people he cares about screaming at him, pointing out every flaw and mistake of his, burning through him like he's made of paper. It tears at his Grace, his very being, and he knows in the back of his mind that none of this is real, that this isn't actually hurting him, but that is easily overshadowed by his mind's screams for help, for  _ mercy _ , for anything besides getting torn apart by the only people he truly loves.

It’s only gotten worse since he was busted out of the Cage and forced to return. He'd thought that the first time he'd been trapped in the Cage was the worst he'd ever feel, but  _ fuck _ , he was painfully wrong. He'd seen his family, seen his vessel, seen the world and all of its beauty once again. And, once again, it had been violently ripped from him, crushed in the darkness and tight walls of the Cage.

He hadn't seen Michael for a while, and the only reason he could think of for this is his perception being altered; despite the fact that Michael refused to speak to him when he was there, any company was better than the crushing loneliness that comes when he disappears. So, sitting alone in one corner of the Cage, Lucifer tries to catch his breath while he can. Time doesn't truly exist here, which makes it less than impossible to predict the next onslaught of torture. He takes these moments with a grain of salt, trying to savor it while he can. This time lasts a lot shorter than most as he finds himself no longer alone.

"Brother." The voice is ice cold and full of venom, filling him with dread. Lucifer can't help but shrink in on himself, a constant mantra of  _ not him, not him, not him _ running through his mind. The hallucination sneers down at him. "Pitiful, Lucifer. Really - you  _ disappoint _ me." Lucifer wants to curl up into a ball, but something is keeping him paralyzed, staring into his younger brother's face.

Faintly, he hears another voice. It takes him a moment to realize that the pathetic begging is coming from his own lips. "Castiel,  _ please _ , I--"

"Shut up. I owe you nothing after what you did to me and our family. You were my best friend and you  _ left _ me. You left us  _ all _ . You destroyed everything. It was a mistake for you to even come into existence in the first place. One would've never guessed that you used to be the most beautiful Archangel, our father's favorite. You're nothing now. Useless."

Maybe towards the beginning, the words wouldn't have affected him as much, but now, after two eternities of being constantly berated and torn down... it's easier to get to him. He can't even remember what Castiel's real opinion of him is - for all he knows, he truly does hate him. And he must, right? How could he  _ not _ hate him? He's Lucifer, the Devil, the first fallen angel. He's the one who set this story in motion, who introduced the world to sin, who... who ruined everything. He was always going to be the bad guy in this story. He sincerely hopes that Castiel remembers the time before he fell, when they had been close friends.

Lucifer didn’t really get much of a chance to hang out with his younger brother when they were together in Heaven. He’d always liked Castiel, found him interesting and fun to be around. He may’ve spent more time with the Archangels, but Cas… He made time for Cas. He related to him on some level that he didn’t fully understand - at least not yet. Part of that connection, he’s found, has come from them both rebelling in their futures, even if they were for two completely different reasons. They'd take little moments of peace to appreciate the beauty of all of their Father’s creations together, and he lived for those moments. There was a sense of home to be found in his younger brother, and it was surprisingly stronger than in most of his family.

The warmth of their bond was one that lingered, one that he clung to in the most desperate of times, like in the Cage. Especially in the Cage.

But now the Cage is taking even that from him, ruining every hope that he has to hold onto.

"What, Lucifer? No smart comebacks? No denial of just how worthless you truly are? You've played your role set by fate - and yet you failed even that!" Lucifer never really saw it as a failure, but as being a martyr for Sam's happiness. Still... he can't do anything right, can he? He's caught glimpses of Sam through their connection, and it sincerely seems as though he hates him. No love spared for the Devil, of course. He really can't blame him, though. The Cage that had been left in Sam's head had given him visions of the Lucifer that he's supposed to be, managing to ruin any credibility that Lucifer had gained in Sam’s mind. Still, the words hurt him. He wants to lash out, to run, to do anything besides sit there staring at his brother. No... it’s not his brother. But it's starting to feel too real. Who would ever love or care for him?

_ Considering I'm still trapped in the darkest corner of Hell, nobody does. _

The second the thought finishes, however, the Cage is filled with an almost blinding white. The warmth and familiarity of it reminds him of home. The feeling such a huge contrast to the ones he’s experienced in his second Cage banishment that he finds himself wanting to cry. Castiel disappears, as do the filters of the Cage that hid his older brother from him. He can see his brother staring reverently into the light, ignoring him. He didn't expect anything less, knows that he hates him, that there is nothing in the world that would make Michael talk to him like he used to.

Lucifer looks back up at the light, and for a second, nothing happens. Then he feels a pulling sensation in his chest, almost as if drawn by a magnet, and he's lifted up and out of his own personal corner of Hell.


End file.
